As promised, the last 6 points/days of HATIN’
#6 New Age Holiday Music
So, I absolutely LOVE holiday music. It is just amazing. I mean, nothing else can get you into the spirit quite like a good holiday carol or time-honored Christmas tune.
There is only one thing that can make a good Christmas song go bad… new age teenyboppers attempting to sing/master it.
HATIN’
New age Christmas songs are so absolutely horrid that I don’t know who to HATE on first - the artist for their terrible rendition, the record company for actually producing it or retail stores for allowing such songs to be played, while innocent shoppers are forced to listen, whether in line or rummaging through the racks. New age Christmas songs just don’t compare to the classics. They don’t give you luke-warm feeling inside. The only feeling I get is nausea.
Attention to All Recoding Artist: If you are listed below, please, for the love all things holy, do NOT make a (another) Christmas song/album.
- Mariah Carey (Hang it up Mariah. Your past Christmas songs are GREAT, but you no longer have the pipes for it)
- Jonas Brothers
- Mylie Cyrus
- Taylor Swift
- Any Country Music singer
- Any Rapper
- Jessica Simpson (No More PLEASE)
- Anyone whose vocal skills are highly debatable, i.e. Fergie
- Anyone under the age of 25
- Anyone who applauds themselves on their sick guitar rifts… you don’t need a Christmas song
#5. Lack of Snow Cleanup
I’m seriously HATIN’ on any state or city, who, as a result of location, regularly gets snow, but hasn’t figured out how to clean it up.
WTF?
In Philadelphia, this past weekend, we got about two feet of snow… and its still not cleaned up. Each day I still see cars getting stuck in the middle of mainstream roads, and not a plow in sight. In many cities, Philadelphia especially, if it starts snowing or is even in the forecast, the entire city is likely to shut down. No schools, no markets… nobody in business. This is beyond ridiculous! Why haven’t we figured out how to deal with snow?
Buffalo, NY has figured out how to deal with snow. Alaska has figured out how to deal with snow. Even all of CANADA has figured it out.
Let us add this to our list of resolutions for 2010, because this just makes no sense.
#4. Wrapping Paper
When did wrapping paper get so expensive?
I’m supposed to spend $5.99 for a two-pack roll of decorated paper and another $1.99 for Scotch tape, for it to ultimately end up, ripped to shreds and in the trash.
No thank you.
#3. Mall Santa’s
Is it me, or have the Mall Santa Claus’ gotten homely looking?
Go ahead, check-out you local mall and see what I’m talking about.
They look haggard and have taken that once jolly disposition and turned it into a Grinch, Scrooge-like, bah hum bug-type of existence.
Word to the wise, don’t mess with Santa.
See what I mean.
#2. Neighbors Trying to Outdo Me with Their Light Display
Please explain to me why it is necessary to have an 8 foot inflatable “Frosty the Snowman” snow globe, life size nativity scene and lights on every surface of your house, during this time of year?
Decorations are great, and far be it from me to deny anyone of their creativity, but please let’s take it easy. Don’t be “That Neighbor” who just goes WAY overboard. PECO may LOVE you, but We’re HATIN’.
And Finally, #1. Holiday Joy Stealers
This is self-explanatory, but still needs to be said.
This holiday season, don’t let anyone steal your joy. I know it’s hard to keep spirits high, especially when negativity looms around the pressures of the season (i.e. shopping/gift giving, spending money, new years, etc.), but remember that this holiday is about LOVE, Charity, Generosity, Hope and supreme Joy/Happiness.
From me to you, my devoted HATERS, I wish you the very best Christmas, Chanukah (or Hanukkah if you prefer) Ramadan, Kwanzaa or what ever your religious affiliation and a Happy and Prosperous New Year.
I look forward to HATERific 2010.
CHEERS!
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