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| Original photo from http://wtfnsfw.tumblr.com/page/13 |
I guess we have finally proven our mother’s wrong… Apparently MANY people will buy a spoiled/milk-less cow, after it has seemingly given away all of its goods for free… just ask Wiz Khalifa, Chad Ochocinco, and Kanye West.
We can now affirm to the generations of women who have come before us, with clarity, and, a laundry list of examples, that the old adage of not, “buying the cow when you can get the milk for free,” no longer applies to 21st century men.
Even as I write this, I can’t help but wonder exactly when the tides changed; when did “wifing” publicly promiscuous women become the new social norm?
Let us speculate, shall we?
I believe that he concept of “turning a ho into a housewife,” is as old as man, itself, and, while the topic has been covered extensively lately, with the emergence of supercouple Kanye West and Kim Kardashian, it is one that has new implications.
Through research on the topic, including surveying a number of single men, I have attributed the reasoning behind this phenomenon to two different rationales:
- The “Captain Save a Ho” Complex, and
- The Male Ego
Let the HATIN’ commence
The “Captain Save a Ho” Complex – This concept stems from the typically, and categorically classified “good guy” types, who fall for emotionally unattainable women. They see “SOS” signs when dealing with any particular woman, and feel it their need, desire and overall purpose to save her, whether from her situation or herself.
After years of teaching our men to be chivalrous, courteous, kind and a respecter of all women, are we truly surprised by these actions? When we look at fairytales of our day, in which, both, men and women are brought up watching, we see that the handsome prince, in some way, shape or form, saves lil’ miss princess. In Cinderella, the prince saves her from her wicked step mother and sisters; in Sleeping Beauty, the prince saves her from an eternal slumber; in Snow White, the prince saves her from a wicked queen; and even in The Wizard of OZ, the all powerful wizard save Dorothy, and her band of misfits, from all of the individual problems that plague them.
This concept to be one’s savior is learned, not inherited.
The Male Ego – This goes without saying, the male ego can either bring about the exponential rise or demise of a man. I whole heartedly believe that a man’s actions, and I do mean all actions, are for the love, affection or attention of a woman.
Starting from birth, a man’s actions vie for attention from his mother (or mother-like figure) and extend through adulthood to potential mates.
As it relates to our topic of conversation, many men are looking to attract the attention of women who are unattainable or heavily desired by other men. It increases his reputation and bravado if he can, not only attract this type of woman, but keep her. He’s looked upon as a guy who’s got it all figured out; the Swag; the proverbial Junoesque. In his mind, by obtaining the “unattainable” he is now who every other man wants to be and who every woman wants to be with.
When it all comes down to it, Ho vs. Housewife, Good Guy vs. Bad Boy; everyone has a past. The rules of dating, I have found, are simple in that there are no rules, and, ultimately, things will be what they are. Should I be angry that Amber Rose is cashing in her stripper stash and becoming Mrs. Wiz Khalifa? Eh, not really. Should I pity the “Good Girl” for not being chosen by her “ideal” guy, even after maintaining her virtues? Absolutely not! My advice; find happiness and love wherever you can and learn that what is for you, will be for you, instead of chasing what you believe to be “ideal.” It will save you years of US Weekly subscriptions and therapy bills.
And that’s the bottom line because I’M HATIN’ said so.
I kind of feel like your last paragraph contradicts your initial "hate". If it were about happiness, then women shouldn't be slut shamed for having a past of "ho" behavior. It's unfair to attempt to rationalize why a man would choose who he gets into bed with based on your own perceptions of what constitutes a "ho" and a "housewife".
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure we've all done somethings that someone else considers ho-ish but that doesn't mean we are ultimately any less worthy of love/affection. It's unfortunate that Kim K. and Amber Rose have had probably the same amount of relationships/sexual partners that I have had, but are quickly labeled a "ho" because their exploits are publicized and they have the misfortune of being followed by TMZ. Sure Amber was a stripper, and Kim had a sex tape, but why does that negate them from ever finding happiness in someone else? Hey, I've dropped it low for a boo, and I'm pretty sure there have been some audio/visual materials in my past.
The whole concept of stigmatizing known figures for doing the same thing that I'm doing has never sat right with me. It's a privileged position we sit in because we have the luxury of living our lives in private.
The number of lucky men who have viewed or visited their Venus fly traps has no bearing on their value as women or as partners.
AMAZING observations and I LOVE your candor.
DeleteI must admit, Gemima, I am a bit torn when it comes to this topic. I believe that the stigmas of "Ho" and "Housewife," as it relates to public images, are made at the discretion of the media. Right or wrong, they are present and inescapable.
Look at Elin Nordegren. She was a former model and nanny to the affluent, but is considered "housewife" material because of the sexual exploits of her husband. Now, in her modeling days, could she have been considered a "ho", possibly, but we never hear that side because it is all up to how the media portrays you during your supposed “15 minutes.”
When we look at how the media portrays publicly promiscuous women – women who are known serial daters – the perception that they give is that this woman is a "Ho" and uses her promiscuity to enjoy material goods, i.e. cars, TV Shows about their lives, endorsements, etc. My problem with this lies in the message we’re sending to young, impressionable girls? Sell yourself to the guy with the highest offer and enjoy the benefits?... Not the best attitudes about love and independence, if you ask me. Also, we’re teaching our men to acquire material goods so that they can ultimately land and attract the most expensive “love” money can buy? Again, a not so great message.
I think we want to teach/show people valuing themselves and caring for themselves and the one’s they are with. To make the conscious and educated decision to engage in sex safely, as another commenter divulged below.
Now, I don’t pity or empathize with Kim K. or Amber Rose or anyone else in the public eye, for that matter, because that is the industry they chose to be in. This industry, which scrutinizes their every move and analyzes their every action, is how they make their bread & butter. Those are the choices they made for the money and they fame, and they don’t seem to have any problem leveraging that until they get upset about how “invasive” everything is. That’s what they signed up for.
Bringing it to our own backyard, the concept of “ho” and “housewife” are completely subjective. Everyone has an opinion. It really only should matter to the people we know and willingly decide to date. I believe that people should be honest and open about their past, and make their own decision to be together.
In that vein, then the problem is really with the media's portrayal of these relationships and the dating choices of these women.
DeleteI don't necessarily have any pity in my heart for people who deliberately put themselves in the media. I just don't think the media narrative is fair at all.
It's unfair to hold them to a standard different from ourselves, but that's not the media's fault. People revel in being able to judge celebrities as though our hands were clean.
And, finally, men have always used wealth as "chick bait". I don't think we can blame the media for propagating that.
Chile you aint never lied!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Ms. Donna :-)
DeleteGlad you like the post.
I think this is a good analysis for the common man, but for celebrities you forgot two additional explanations: the publicity stunt and peer pressure. Sometimes love really has nothing to do with it. It's about staying relevant and popular in the entertainment industry. And, sometimes they do what they do because it's the popular thing to do. It's always been done and men in the entertainment industry collect these women like they are trophies. They measure each other on who can bang who.
ReplyDeleteI also agree with Gemima...I have plenty of friends who have slept with more men than they have, but I wouldn't call them "hos." They like having sex, they are are responsible about it (protection, getting tested) and carry degrees and respectable jobs. I might dislike Kim's behavior, but I emphathize with the fact that everything she does is in the media. If she wants that out there, that's her business. Who am I to judge? - SR
Thank you for your comment, Sabrina.
DeleteI like your analysis of publicity stunts and peer pressure as a rationale/reason for men dating the "ho" vs. the "housewife," especially when we're talking about people in the public eye.
I think one thing I should elaborate on, in a later post, of course, is the reason women date "serial dater men" vs. the "good guy," and what stigmas follow that.
Interested to hear you and Gemima's thoughts.
:-)